I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
