i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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