I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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