so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
