If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize