I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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