i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
