He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
