How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
