walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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