i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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