who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
