You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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