when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
