I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize