Screwed.edu
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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