Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
