the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
