My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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