I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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