Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
