you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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