everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
