Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
