I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
