come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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