I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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