Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
