Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
