Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
