I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dicks are not precious.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
