my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
