He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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