3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
