so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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