hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
