i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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