I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think my fart just growled at me.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize