Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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