i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
