No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
