apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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