i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
