you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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