Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize