Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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