five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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