Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize