are you still at the devil's house?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Randomize
