Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
