Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
