is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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