Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
