I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize