I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
