It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
