You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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