So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
