yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
