You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
