the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
as a side note pls kill me
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