Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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