Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
