I got chris browned last night
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
