He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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