Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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