I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize