your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
