Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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