No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
