Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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