the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
How many fucks given?
0.12846
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
