Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
