My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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