I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
