In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
