just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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