she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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