You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
