he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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