Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
