Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
