We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Do vagina's smell?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
