I think I am morally bankrupt
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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