I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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