There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I wish you could order shots online.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
