In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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