it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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