he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
