so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
