I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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