talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
