it hurts more in the daytime
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize