Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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