i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
